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To some extent, we are all innately self-centered. Finding a “healthy self” balance that enables you to be self-centered rather than self-absorbed.
I have worked as a workplace psychology researcher for over 30 years, helping organizations manage highly autistic workers, particularly those whose actions may endanger their colleagues.
Here are five toxic phrases highly selfish and entitled individuals always use and how to deal with them:
1. “This feedback is insulting.”
Any constructive criticism is viewed as a personal attack by entitled individuals. They reject the idea that there is always room for improvement.
They take great pride in their work and are therefore very sensitive to criticism that they can do better.
2. “My ideas are valuable and always merit serious consideration.”
People who are selfish often believe that they always add extraordinary value to others, no matter how average they really are.
They ignore the fact that, despite our best efforts, most of our thoughts, ideas, and recommendations are flawed.
3. “Their success comes at the expense of my own.”
Highly self-centered people typically use their egoistic impulses for the good of others with less success than others.
It is difficult for them to understand the benefits of helping those around them, so they believe that other people’s success is unfair and a product of preferential treatment.
4. “Why are you always trying to control me?”
Bosses who give clear expectations or directives often dislike entitled people. They perceive the instructions they receive from the boss as, at most, recommendations or, at worst, an attempt to treat them unfairly.
5. “You’re being disrespectful by not agreeing with me.”
People who are entitled do not want to learn from others and instead seek credit for their opinions and experiences.
As a result, they see the presentation of other points of view as evidence of ignorance rather than an opportunity to learn.
How to deal with overly selfish and entitled people
1. Avoid them, if and when possible.
Interacting with arrogant individuals has particularly adverse effects. Since they are unfortunately common, it is important to develop coping mechanisms to determine your own success and direction in life.
And occasionally, just for your own sanity, you must speak up.
2. Set clear boundaries.
Confront them when their behavior gets out of control.
You might ask, “Can you explain how this behavior benefits the company?” For example. Alternatively “Do you truly believe that this behavior is in your own best interest?”
At the very least, you can make clear that their behavior isn’t acceptable to you and is harmful to your working relationship.
3. Educate them on the risks they face.
You can mention various harmful effects of selfishness.
For example, you might comment, “If you focus only on meeting your needs, you will get tunnel vision,” which will not benefit you in the long run because it affects all aspects of learning, including activities and interactions.”
Alternatively, “If you take everything personally, you’ll never stop being upset, dissatisfied, and annoyed by the bad things you think about other people. It must be really exhausting.
Note that you may not get the desired response in either case. However, you can make progress if you approach the discussion with authenticity.
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