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Master manipulators abound in movies. The list is endless and includes Regina George from Mean Girls, Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada and Mother Gothel from Tangled. Moreover, contrary to popular belief, in real life you will frequently encounter someone who uses the same cunning and skillful tactics to manipulate you.
We are psychiatrist Dr. For this reason, Carolyn Rubenstein, Nadia Temurian and Pritika B. Gonsalves. Since it’s not always easy to deal with manipulatives when you’re not on the outside looking in, they break down some of the most common signs of manipulation and offer advice on how to deal with them with disarming words.
Related: 35 Common Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships and How To Respond, According to Therapists
Who Can Be Considered a ‘Manipulative Person’?
Unfortunately, you may know someone who qualifies as a “manipulator.”
Maybe there’s an employer trying to make you more productive, a friend using coercive techniques to get you to do something you don’t want to, or a family member using guilt and pressure to get you to follow rules, Temurian tells Parade. in the house
Unfortunately, you may know someone who qualifies as a “manipulator.”
Maybe there’s an employer trying to make you more productive, a friend using coercive techniques to get you to do something you don’t want to, or a family member using guilt and pressure to get you to follow rules, Temurian tells Parade. in the house
How Do You Know if You’re Being Manipulated?
According to Rubenstein, there are several things to look out for. According to her, “Manipulators take advantage of emotional connections, which make it difficult for others to recognize or suspect manipulation.” “They begin with small actions that become progressively larger, making it difficult to tell when the behavior is manipulative. Gaslighting is a specific tactic that calls the victim’s reality into question; playing the victim is a tactic used to shift blame and elicit sympathy. Furthermore, manipulators often feign ignorance or flattery to upset a person.
Related: 7 Phrases To Share What You’d Like (Vs. What You Don’t), According to a Therapist
8 Phrases to Disarm Manipulative People, According to Psychologists
1.“Can you explain why you think this is necessary?”
Rubenstein claims that this retreat puts the onus back on the manipulator to defend their request or assertion. She claims that the reason it works is that it forces people to be more transparent about their true goals and unconscious manipulative drives.
2. “I appreciate your concern, but I’ll make my own decision.”
By responding in this way, you are asserting your autonomy and your right to self-determination. It creates a barrier and signals to the manipulator that their attempts to subdue you are futile,” says the woman.
3. “I am uncomfortable with what you’re asking.”
Temurian tells Parade that emphasizing your feelings draws attention to the emotional consequences of the manipulator’s behavior.
“It’s always important to express your feelings,” she explains. It is wise to be firm and resist controlling your emotions because the manipulator will try to make your feelings seem unjustified. Your response is something you control.
Rubenstein agrees, “This response is helpful because it makes it harder for them to dismiss or invalidate your approach and directly addresses the manipulative behavior.”
4. “No, thank you. I’m confident in my decision.”
Gonsalves suggests using this line because it shows your conviction and confidence.
It defies the manipulator’s attempts to make you doubt your own judgment because it shows your self-confidence. It preserves your autonomy and sense of self,” claims the woman.
5. “No.”
Sometimes saying “no” is the wisest course.
According to Temurian and Rubenstein, this is the most powerful resurrection and the most underused. But the reason it works so effectively is that it establishes a boundary that needs no further explanation, and you have the right to respond that way.
6. “Let’s stick to the facts here.”
Rubenstein explains that this seemingly simple sentence is actually rather overwhelming.
This rebuttal is useful when a manipulator makes emotional or false claims in their arguments. This shifts the focus of discussion to facts, reducing the impact of deceptive policies based on emotion or distorted reality, the speaker claims.
7. “I need some time to think about this.”
Gonsalves says that by waiting, you guard against being pressured into making a choice too soon—an excellent coping strategy.
“Giving yourself time to think things through before reacting allows you to assess the situation objectively,” she explains. “It keeps you from rushing into a decision and gives you time to gather your thoughts and choose wisely.”
“This time allows you to objectively evaluate the situation, reducing the immediate influence of the manipulator,” says Rubenstein, who agrees.
8. “I’m not going to participate.”
According to Temurian, there are situations when you need to be firm.
A firm refusal to participate is direct communication, as manipulators try to avoid conflict by placing blame elsewhere.
Related: 10 Classic Mind Games Narcissists Play in a Relationship, According to Psychologists